


The Inescapable Us

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Time Turner, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angst of the teenage variety</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Inescapable Us

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

The Inescapable Us

The day I met you / Decay will let you learn to bend / We are better butterflies / all meek we get the end 

It makes me sick / It makes me laugh when I shouldn't, / Kill what I came / To keep alive 

Your turn to spill / Your turn to spill now 

That's fate looking our way / Your sparkling spot hasn't caught on / That's fate stealing away / Your sparkling spot hasn't caught on

The day we met up / It's hard to get up and live it down / We are smaller maybe than what we / can't get around 

It makes me sick / it makes me laugh / when I look at you / Clap while it's kicking us around 

And what it spills / And what it spills 

is Fate looking our way / Your sparkling spot hasn't caught on / That's fate stealing away / Your sparkling spot hasn't caught

-Matthew Good

I watch you walk through the halls with **her**. Kissing **her**. Telling **her** that you love her. What do you want me to say? You want to be "friends"? She's wearing the ring _I_ gave you for Christ sake.

So you love her. Am I supposed to believe that? Am I suppose to believe you never loved me like that? You keep telling me how much you love girls. How "straight" you are... Like I'm just some queer that's trying to get in your pants. I haven't said _anything_ to you. But you know it's different, don't you? You know because you were there.

Do you remember your 17th birthday. I bought a quarter of gin, and we sat up all night drinking. I was always a bad influence on you, wasn't I Remus? And you crawled into my bed. I held you all night. I've never felt more at peace then when you were laying in my arms. You blamed it on the alcohol of course. But then why did you come back the next night?

I loved you Remus. I loved you with all my heart. You think I wasn't scared too? You think that I wanted to fall in love with my best friend? My best **male** friend.

I remember giving you that ring for your fifteenth birthday. Solid gold with a woven copper design. It had your elegance, Remus. And you never took it off from that day forward. I never told you what that meant to me. Even through those darkest times in our friendship...after the Whomping Willow... you couldn't even speak to me...

...but you still wore the ring.

She wears it now. You gave it to her for the summer while you were going to be apart. Months ago...it's never been back on your finger...

You know what the hardest part is, love? That I know this was all my fault. It always is. Isn't that always the way. Sirius, the fuck-up. Always leaping into things. Hurting others. And you, always the victim. I came to know you like that. The victim of the horrible monster that was me. And you had the balls to say the monster was you. I don't think even you believed that. How I hated you for turning me into the bad guy. You could do no wrong. It was always you who hurt, wasn't it?

Except that it wasn't. Sometimes, even monsters hurt too, don't they?

I remember that day, so long ago now, when you asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell you, of course. You asked if there was a problem at home. No. A problem at school. No. Was it drugs, depression, thoughts of suicide. No. No. No.

Are you in love with me?

The most sincere question you have ever asked me. Your eyes cast downward, waiting for the answer...

...and I just laughed.

I cannot imagine how badly that must have hurt you. Try to understand...try to understand that I just. Couldn't. Answer. I just couldn't tell you.

So I laughed. It was easier. And I have always been one for taking the easy way out...even though it rarely proves to be so. Besides, I was the bad guy, right? Might as well live up to your expectations of me. Play the villain, so you can't be the perpetual victim. You can go around with **her** and feels good that you made the right choice. The beauty over the beast.

Then why is it I think you still love me?

In the end, I will always remember you as you were back then. Long messy brown hair, tied back in a knot. Eyes never pleading, but always hoping. Filled with trust I could not imagine giving to anyone, especially not to someone like myself. You always said that I was so strong. That you wished you could be like me. Because I never cried. You were too young then to realise just how weak that made me.

So now, years later, I watch you go off with her. Your eyes still betray broken shards of the past. But I'm too proud to ask for those back. And I will not cry, Remus. I will not cry because it is not over. I will not cry because maybe I want it to be. I never knew that I could hate someone so much. But I suppose that's the price I pay for loving you. I wish I could stop.

But for now, Remus. I will be strong. And I will do the one noble thing in my capacity to do. I will let you walk away. I will not fight. And I will keep on living without that part of you that was mine. And I will show you by this, that I am worthy of your love. Even though you choose not to give it.


End file.
